Jerry Lawler Quotes
* Danke an Rob und Justin von WRESTLINGNATION.COM *
Vince McMahon: Mabel is a real nice guy to the fans.
Jerry: Yeah, but I heard that he is not too nice if you disturb him during feeding time.
_______________________________________________________________________
Here was a guest ring announcer.
Guest ring announcer: From New Zealand, at a total combined weight of 40 pounds....
Jerry: Ha! Ha! Ha! Did you hear that McMahon? 40 pounds? He must be getting therr weight confused with how many sardines they eat a day.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: Marty Jannetty, making his return to the WWF and is looking in superb shape.
Jerry: Are you kidding me McMahon, the only thing harded than his knuckles are his arteries.
_______________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I just got a note from a doctor saying thst there was a possible trace of blood in Jake "The Snake's" alcohol stream.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: You know what you call a pretty girl in texas? A Tourist !
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: McMahon, I'm so sick so Shawn Michaels kliq, it makes me sick.
_______________________________________________________________________
Jerry: A lot of people say that Sid's elevator doesn't go up all the way to the top and that he's three beers short of a six-pack.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: You are just saying things so people can see things through your eyes.
Jerry: Oh come on McMahon. Everyone is entitled to MY opinion.
________________________________________________________________________
A fan in the crowd was wearing a red clown wig
Jerry: Is that Barbra Streisand?
Vince McMahon: I think that is Oprah.
Jerry: I saw Barbra Streisand on Oprah today talking about her movie, it was about as exciting as watching paint dry.
Vince McMahon: Barbra Streisand has got a new movie comming out.
Jerry: Barbra Streisand's new movie is called "A Mirror with Two Faces"
Vince McMahon: I think?
Jerry: HA!, Barbra Streisand's mirrors needs two faces. Every time she looks in the mirror her reflection throws-up.
________________________________________________________________________
Todd Pettengill: Welcome to the Milton Bradley Karate Fighters Holiday Tournament. This week it is, well it's Beauty and the Beast when Sable takes on Dok Hendrix.
Jerry: Yeah, Sable sure is a beast and Hendrix is just a bumbling idiot.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Well there is Dok Hendrix doing what he does best, always begging a woman.
Todd Pettengill: Next week, Sable will meet the winner of the Sunny vs. Mr Backlund match, that should be interesting.
Jerry: Why don't you try doing that sometime?
Todd Pettengill: What?
Jerry: Being interesting. ______________________________________________________________________
Shawn Michaels on Regis and Kathy Lee.
Regis: You have a big match this weekend against Sid, what is your strategy?
Shawn Michaels: Run!
Jerry: He finally told the truth. ________________________________________________________________________
Lawler on Bret Hart.
Jerry: He needs to hire Jose Ebear or go to Supercuts to get a haircut.
Look at that nasty hair of his. ________________________________________________________________________
Bret Hart is drinking out a cup while watching a Steve Austin match.
Jerry: It looks like Bret Hart has been hanging around Jake "The Snake" Roberts, looks like he is drinking some of that encouraging liquior for his match.
________________________________________________________________________
Bret Hart whispers something to himself.
Jerry: I can read lips, he said to make sure the door is locked. ________________________________________________________________________
Todd Pettengill: Welcome to the Milton Bradley Karate Fighters Tournament. This week Mr. Perfect battles Phinese I. Godwin.
Jerry: Yeah, he sure is a pig.
________________________________________________________________________
The Bulldog about to execute a elbow drop on Razor Ramon.
Jerry: If the Bulldog connects with this, there'll be a grease spot on the mat even Pine Sol can't take out.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Hey Ross, I had a nightmare last night, Sunny was my mother and I was a bottle baby. ________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I'm not saying that Stu Hart is old, but I hear that Anna Nicole Smith is asking him out on a date. ________________________________________________________________________
Lawler on a fan in the crowd.
Jerry: I've heard of faces that could stop clocks, her's could stop all
of Switzerland's.
________________________________________________________________________
Lawler on a fan in the crowd.
Jerry: I saw this guy having a drink in the bathroom before. Then the seat fell down and hit him on the head.
________________________________________________________________________
Shawn Michaels be escorted by an elderly woman.
Jerry: I saw Shawn Michaels being escourted by Mother Teresa. ________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Hey Shawn Michaels, this is the king. Can you hear me?
Shawn Michaels: I can hear ya King Fish.
Jerry: I have had enough of this meely mouth mush as I can stomach. Jose Lothario, that old fossil sitting next to you, cost you the World Wrestling Federation title by being on the apron. Hey Jose, if your eyesight is that bad, you need to get your bifocals checked. ________________________________________________________________________
Sunny is comming down the aisle to commentate.
Vince McMahon: Comming up next, Rocky Maivia, the first ever third generation superstar in the back warming up. Oh My goodness!!
Jerry: Yeah McMahon, calm down. It looks like your warming up.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: C'mon McMahon. That is about as belevable as O.J. Simpson on the witness stand.
________________________________________________________________________
Sunny sits next to Vince McMahon
Jerry: Watch your hands McMahon. ________________________________________________________________________
Sunny doing color on Rocky Maivia's match.
Jerry: Hey Sunny, if you're so interested in genes, I have a pair of Levis. ________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: If any of you people are going shopping this Christmas, I think you should get what Rocky Maivia has... a Chia Head. ________________________________________________________________________
Rocky Maivia does a reversal on an opponent.
Jerry: Good job pineapple head. ________________________________________________________________________
A boy is going crazy when Sable comes down.
Jerry: Look at him, he is about to have a stroke. ________________________________________________________________________
Mankind has an axe.
Jerry: Hey Mankind, bring that axe over hear. I think McMahon needs a haircut. ________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: And there is a look at Sable who gets more beautiful by the day.
Jerry: Clean your glasses.
Vince McMahon: What?
Jerry: I said clean your glasses McMahon.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler and HHH on Sable.
Jerry: Doesn't she still have one of your cars?
HHH: Yes, I believe she does.
Jerry: I heard she kept the BMW because it is the only one she can spell.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Look at Jake, he looks like he's drunk!
Vince McMahon: Jake "The Snake" Roberts, where did he come from?
Jerry: The Bar! Where else?
________________________________________________________________________
Shawn Micheals said "I have to do what I have to do."
Jerry: Frank Sanatra did what he had to do, and now he is a wrinkled-upold prune.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: Later tonight on RAW, Shawn Michaels is in the WWF studios withan apology.
Jerry: He will probably apologize for that hair cut.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Beavis & Butthead are doing America is like Jim Ross and James E. Cornette doing Sunday morning Superstars.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I'm glad you got Shawn Michaels off the camera so that his nose wouldn't grow like Pinnocio.
Vince McMahon: Stop It!
Jerry: C'mon McMahon. That apology was about as sincere as Sable's hair color.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Jake brings that big, ugly, slimmy, 15 foot long reptile as a tag team partner.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I heard that scientist found evidence of prehistoric life on Mars and that Stu & Helen Hart are the founding parents.
_______________________________________________________________________
Jake Roberts was flat on his back in the ring.
Jerry: Five million people are watching RAW and Jake is not one of them.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I heard that Stu & Helen Hart use to be nudists, until they got kicked out of the Garden of Eden.
________________________________________________________________________
Phineus is being Jacknifed...
Jim Ross: That is 330 pounds...
Jerry: ...Of Pork!
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I don't mind the funk-ets, but I can care less for Flash Funk.
He reminds me of the Christmas season, loud and useless.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: You and Goldust probably shop at the same place.
Vince McMahon: Where is that?
Jerry: Toupee's R' Us! HA! HA! HA! HA!
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Hey McMahon, I bought you a new toupee for Chirstmas, but my
Cabbage Patch Snack time doll ate it.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I would like to here Ahmed Johnson say Mother Smucker three times fast.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Bret Hart's boots are uglier than O.J. Simpson's Bruno Maglias.
________________________________________________________________________
Shawn Michaels is schedualed to do color commentary.
Jerry: I hope Jose Lotherio doesn't come down with him.
Vince McMahon: I sincerely hope so.
Jerry: His veins are still clogged with fried beans, tacos...
Vince McMahon: Alright, Stop It!
Jerry: ...burritos, and salsa! I heard that when he took an X-Ray ofhis heart, a big jalapena was clogging it.
________________________________________________________________________
About the instant replay rule.
Jerry: I guarantee you when you were born and your parents looked at you...
Jim Ross: Alright!
Jerry: ...they knew they made a mistake, but they didn't get rid ofyou.
________________________________________________________________________
Goldust started to unzipr his clothes.
Jerry: What is Goldust trying to do, show off the one chest hair that he has.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Jose Lotherio gets winded just by dialing long-distance.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince said Shawn Michaels and Jose Lothario have a father son relationship.
Jerry: It is more like a grandfather-son relationship.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Here comes "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Here is a guy who parks in handicap spaces.
_______________________________________________________________________
Jim Ross: King, I don't know why you constantly verbally abuse a man like Jake "The Snake" Roberts. Jake Roberts has had to battle a lot of demons in his lifetime.
Jerry: Yeah, he also drank most of them.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Can someone please tell the woman with the 7 kids to go next door and get them, they are beating the BOMBERS 23-0.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: What do you think about Hunter's shonze ?
Jerry: Did you hear him, he wants to know what you think about Hunter's nose?
The Girl: It's okay.
Jerry: Let me ask you this, what do you think about McMahon's toupee? ________________________________________________________________________
Lawler on Ahmed in the hospital.
Jerry: He has spent more times in a hospital than Nurse Gunbody lately.
________________________________________________________________________
Bret Hart is commenting on Shawn Michaels.
Bret Hart: There are two things that really annoy me about you Michaels.
Jerry: There are a lot of things that annoy me about you Bret.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: What is Sunny going to do Ross, be the guest ring announcer?
Jim Ross: Time keeper, King.
Jerry Lawler: Oh she can keep time with me anytime. Don't waist your time with that idiot Rocky Maivia.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: I see Sunny in my dreams every night. She'll probably see you, Jim Ross in her dreams, if she eats too much.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: The Manhattan Center is where I first confronted Stu and Helen Hart. The couple that produced more tragedies than Shakespeare.
Jim Ross: That is also where you had a confrontation with Tiny Tim.
Jerry uses Undertaker's voice.
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, May he Rest In Peace. Ha! Ha! Ha!
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Who can't get distracted seeing a big yellow freak out at ringside.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry on ECW.
Jerry Lawler: Why don't you bring your thugs & has-beens to the Manhattan Center, which is an arena and not a bingo hall where you guys wrestle in.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: No wonder why Jim Cornette kept Yokozuna silent all this time, his English is terrible.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: The Honky Tonk Man called Paul Bearer about cremation for Col. Tom Parker. Paul Bearer said, "Do you want extra crispy, or original?"
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler on Shawn Michaels.
Jerry Lawler: Come on McMahon. If someone kept telling you how charasmatic, how resilient, and how flamleboyante you are, your head would get so big, your toupee wouldn't be able to fit on it.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: Look at Phineus & Mankind. Put those two brains together and what do you get?
Jerry Lawler: Close your eyes.
Vince McMahon: Sounds like Stu Hart.
Jerry Lawler: What you see is what you get.
Vince McMahon: Oh no, that sounds scary.
Jerry Lawler: Well I hear that the Godwinns are a little upset I understand because....
Vince McMahon: The Godwinns! Why?
Jerry Lawler: Well...
Vince McMahon: I can understand them being upset having to face Vader and Mankind.
Jerry Lawler: I understand that before the match that Vader might have washed his tights in their slop bucket.
Vince McMahon: What?
Jerry Lawler: And I hear that Mankind may have used the slop to groom his hair.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: Mankind is refusing to tag in Vader.
Jerry Lawler: Mankind likes just a little pain.
Vince McMahon: He likes a lot of pain.
Jerry Lawler: I understand when he was a little kid, the other kids in the neighborhood use to trade and collect his teeth. That all started when he got that bad attitude and he still has it.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler on Stu Hart.
Jerry Lawler: Why don't you put your teeth in backwards and eat yourself.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: I think Stu and Helen Hart should get an appointment with Isaac Yankem.
Vince McMahon: What for?
Jerry Lawler: So he can put braces on their false teeth!
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: Phinneus is not exactly the brain of the Godwinn outfit.
Jerry Lawler: Is there a brain in the Godwinn outfit?
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler on the Godwinns.
Jerry Lawler: If these guys brains were bacon, they would be sizzle-lean.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: It is so cold here in New York that Phineus's tooth was rattling.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Get these hillbillies out of here, they are starting to smell up the Manhattan Center.
________________________________________________________________________
Phinneus with a sleeper hold.
Jerry Lawler: When Phinneus gets those armpits around your nose, you will go out instantly.
________________________________________________________________________
Godwinns lost to the Blackjacks.
Jerry Lawler: You know what they say in Bitters, Manure happens!
________________________________________________________________________
When the bWo came out on Raw is War.
Jerry Lawler: Look at this McMahon, this is a freak show.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler on the bWo
Jerry Lawler: It should just be the BO.
________________________________________________________________________
Da Blue Guy: Hey Burger King man, "Say Hello to Da Blue Guy".
Jerry Lawler: It's more like, "Say hello to the fat guy".
________________________________________________________________________
Paul Heyman: If this WWF thing doesn't work out for you , we can give you a job in ECW.
Vince McMahon: Thank you, I appreciate that.
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, I've seen some of your shows. You need an announcer.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler on Big Stevie Cool.
Jerry Lawler: Don't you point your finger at me bean poll.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler on Da Blue Guy
Jerry Lawler: How fat is that guy anyway?
________________________________________________________________________
Marlena said she didn't feel too good but she would wrestle anyway.
Jerry Lawler: Let me feel you so I can see.
________________________________________________________________________
Sunny refusing to start the arm wrestling match.
Honky Tonk Man: Come on Sunny, you're already warmed-up.
Jerry Lawler: She's starting to warm me up.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler on Tiny Tim
Jerry Lawler: I like the way you always look like an unmade bed.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler on Tiny Tim.
Jerry Lawler: So, where did you get that suit from? Did the man at the carnival guess your weight wrong?
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler on Taz.
Jerry Lawler: This guy is so short, he buys an ant farm for a second house.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler on Taz.
Jerry Lawler: I have socks taller than him.
________________________________________________________________________
Taz told Lawler to tell those wise cracks to his face.
Jerry Lawler: Tell him to come down and I will tell him how short he is to his face. If I can bend down that far.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler on Taz.
Jerry Lawler: He looks a lot bigger on the Lucky Charms box.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: I believe we have Jerry "The King" Lawler on the line. Mr. Lawler, are you there?
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, I'm here McMahon and I can't believe you accepted this collect call. You're so cheap, you wouldn't even tip a canoe.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: The WWF needs ECW like Michael Jordan needs Head & Shoulders.
________________________________________________________________________
The Mexican Wrestlers are in the ring.
Jerry Lawler: Look at Paul E. He needs to wear a mask. He looks like a
bloated-up toe frog.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler on ECW.
Jerry Lawler: These guys are on good behavior. Why don't you guys do what you normally do, like light a fan on fire. Or maybe stack about ten tables and throw someone off the balcony.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Wow, what a pair!
Kevin Kelly: What are you talking about?
Jerry Lawler: I'm talking about Faarooq & Sunny
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: McMahon, did you say that Jake "The Snake" called from Atlanta?
Vince McMahon: Yes, why?
Jerry Lawler: Atlanta, why? do they have a drinking contest in the Olympics?
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler on the Hart Family.
Jerry Lawler: I would love to be at the Hart's on Christmas morning.
Vince McMahon: What for?
Jerry Lawler: So I can be the special guest referee.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: You hit the nail right on the thumb.
________________________________________________________________________
Sunny with the Tag Team Belts.
Jerry Lawler: Hey McMahon, look at those belts.
Vince McMahon: Yeah King, they look nice. Now can you please pay attention to the match.
Jerry Lawler: Come on McMahon. Just because I'm on a diet, doesn't mean I can't look at the menu.
_______________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler said he was friends with Ken Shamrock. Shamrock said he doesn't know him.
Jerry Lawler: Come on, what's the matter? Have you been bounced around that octagon too much?
_______________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: I hope that Hunter finishes off Flash Funk so I don't have to listen to that music when he comes down, and so I don't have to see you dance McMahon.
________________________________________________________________________
Chyna just kicked a wrestler.
Jerry Lawler: The Dallas Cowboys just lost their kicker. From the looks of things, they can sign Chyna.
________________________________________________________________________
Jim Ross states that on the WWF superstar line there is a report of a wrestler who got strip searched.
Jerry Lawler: Hey, was it Sunny?
Vince McMahon: All right, knock it off!
Jim Ross: Well, you're close.
Jerry Lawler: Whoa! I want to get a job at an airport.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: How can you not respect Bret Hart?
Jerry Lawler: I don't!
________________________________________________________________________
A crowd of girls were cheering Shawn Michaels.
Jerry Lawler: They got some ugly fans.
________________________________________________________________________
Shawn Michaels: I want to thank the fans...
Jerry Lawler: For What?!
________________________________________________________________________
Shawn Michaels thanks his fans for writing him cards.
Jerry Lawler: I'm surprised your fans can write.
________________________________________________________________________
Shawn Michaels said that he will be at WrestleMania13
Vince McMahon: I look forward to it.
Jerry Lawler: I don't.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: Bret Hart has been...
Jerry Lawler: ...Whinning, crying, belly-aching. Now people are starting to see the real Bret Hart.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Paul Bearer's face is so big, needs a bookmark to find his chin.
________________________________________________________________________
Goldust is squatting.
Jerry Lawler: He looks like he's sitting on his thrown.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Just because Hunter Hearst Helmsley makes Pinnocio look like a cat, don't make fun of him.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: The only time Vader saw 90210 is when he got on the scale.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Get some chalk because once this Chicago Street Fight match is over, draw lines will have to be made.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Hey waiter, come over here. I think Stu Hart just ordered some Jerital on the rocks.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Helen is wearing some antique jewelry.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: The reason why Helen Hart is not here is because I heard she went shopping at an antique shop, and they decided to keep her.
________________________________________________________________________
Chyna pulled down the rope causing Bart Gunn to fall.
Jim Ross: King, you must have selective vision or something?
Jerry Lawler: I'm so mesmerized by her beautiful face.
________________________________________________________________________
A Mexican Wrestler with a lot of hair coming from his mask.
Jerry Lawler: Is that Venom's real hair, or does he go to the same toupee shop you go to McMahon?
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: When someone told the Brooklyn Brawler not to change, he thought they meant his clothes.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: Maybe the Hitman will apologize for his action?
Jerry Lawler: Fat Chance!
Bret Hart: First off, I would like to apologize.
Jerry Lawler: What?
________________________________________________________________________
Goldust started to unbutton Paul Bearer's shirt
Jerry Lawler: You better be careful Goldust, a few more chins might pop out.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon thinks the Hart reunion is despicable.
Jerry Lawler: Shut Up McMahon! This is beautiful.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry gets a little emotional.
Jerry Lawler: I think I need to be held .
________________________________________________________________________
Jesse James broke the Honky Tonk Man's guitar and Honky got a little upset...
Jerry Lawler: Get him a handkerchief.
________________________________________________________________________
Mankind threw fire into the Undertaker's eyes.
Jim Ross: For as long as you have hated Bret Hart, all of a sudden you're starting to agree with him?
Jerry Lawler: Well, now Bret Hart finally saw the light. Just like The Undertaker, yeah he saw the light all right Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
________________________________________________________________________
WWF's live call in show.
Jerry Lawler: So John, what are you doing up there in Wisconsin, making cheese?
________________________________________________________________________
Mini-Goldust enters.
Jerry Lawler: Now I'm just waiting for a Mini-Marlena to pop up.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: If stupidity was water, Ahmed Johnson would be Niagara Falls.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Hey Iron Sheik! Tell the Sultan to hit Ahmed Johnson where his kidney, well, where his kidney use to be. Ha! Ha! Ha!
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: No one appreciates Sable more than Dok Hendrix.
Jerry Lawler: I do.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: Jesse James can wrestle every bit as good as he can sing.
Jerry Lawler: Then he won't win many matches.
_______________________________________________________________________
Omaha Nebraska is mentioned.
Jerry Lawler: Is that the heartland of America?
Jim Ross: Yes it is King.
Jerry Lawler: Do you want to know why it's the heartland of America? Because there is no brain.
________________________________________________________________________
Bret Hart.
Vince McMahon: You are such a hypocrite.
Jerry Lawler: What?
Vince McMahon: You are a hypocrite. After all those things you have said about him, after all those things you said about his parents.
Jerry Lawler: I never said anything that was not true, so I said his parents are a little old. But it is true. Just because Stu was the first maid on the Noah's Ark and Helen knew Big Bird when he was Tweedy. Bret knows they're old.
________________________________________________________________________
The Undertaker's scar.
Jerry Lawler: It is like a bullseye painted on his head.
________________________________________________________________________
Henry Godwinn sufferend a broken neck.
Jerry Lawler: He's too stupid to know he's hurt.
________________________________________________________________________
Sunny modeling a shirt.
Jerry Lawler: I don't know about the shipping, but I would like to pay for the handling.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: These people in Omaha hate anyone with real teeth.
________________________________________________________________________
Lawler is commenting on Ken Shammrock challenging Mike Tyson
Jerry Lawler: Hey Shammrock, why don't you go out and challenge George Foreman. He will take on a nobody like you.
________________________________________________________________________
Rockabilly with a sleeper hold on Ahmed Johnson.
Jim Ross: That is a good strategy by Rockabilly to cut off that flow of that blood to the brain and all of a sudden Ahmed is unconsicous.
Jerry Lawler: What brain?
________________________________________________________________________
The camera was focused on the French announce team.
Jerry Lawler: Hey, do you speak French? Palivou fried eggs?
Jim Ross: No, I can barely speak English.
Jerry Lawler: You got that right.
________________________________________________________________________
Talk about Chyna.
Jerry Lawler: Yeah! Nice chin too. Jay Leno, eat you heart out.
________________________________________________________________________
Chyna lifted Flash Funk and dropped him on the top rope.
Jerry Lawler: I want to see if Chyna can lift you up like that Ross.
________________________________________________________________________
Ken Shamrock's Zone.
Jerry Lawler: Yeah! You're going to be in the Twilight Zone. That is where Vader is going to knock you in.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Ahmed Johnson has the IQ of 2 and it takes 3 just to grunt.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Just ask Clarence Mason. He says, "A small question for a small fee."
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: The people in Richland have two color necks. Light red and dark red.
________________________________________________________________________
A fan had a sign that said "Austin for president"
Jerry Lawler: If he was president, the countries bird would be the middle finger.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: I would beat you up Ross, but I have a thing against cruelty to animals.
________________________________________________________________________
Ahmed Johnson at the KOTR.
Jerry Lawler: Can you imagine that Ross, King Ahmed Johnson? How would the crown fit on his head, it would probably slip right off. His head looks like a Milk Dud.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Ahmed Johnson came from a neighborhood where the most common words heard was, "You have the right to remain silent."
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Hey Finkle, last time I saw something like you, I flushed it. Hey, why don't you go back and borrow one of McMahon's toupees.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Speaking of Kathy Lee, Did you hear about Frank Gifford? He got caught having an affair with a flight attendant. Hey Ross, isn't your wife a flight attendant?
Jim Ross: Oh yeah King, you think that is really funny don't you?
Jerry Lawler:Yeah!
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry questionioning people from Alabama.
Jerry Lawler: I got a tough one for you. If your mom and dad got a divorce, would they still be brother and sister? Ha, Ha! That's a tough one, isn't it?
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry is commenting on Bob Holly's racing abilities .
Jerry Lawler: He kept going to the pit stop to ask for directions.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Did you know that if you buy a car in Mobile, Alabama, it has a warning label on the mirror that says "Objects in the mirror are dumber than they seem".
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry on Shawn Michaels.
Jerry Lawler: He is the kind of man who would throw both ends of a rope to a drowning man.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Mankind is two fries short of a happy meal.
________________________________________________________________________
Goldust said that Marlena and Dakota are his life.
Jerry Lawler: Then you need to get a life.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Jake Roberts had a problem and he drank it.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: You know when most people get drunk, they see snakes. Well when snakes get drunk, they see Jake Roberts.
________________________________________________________________________
Lawler was in a swimming pool at the SummerSlam Bikini Beach Blast-Off
Jerry Lawler: If this pool were filled with beer, you know Jake "The Snake" Roberts would be in it.
________________________________________________________________________
McMAHON: King, do you wear that crown all the time?
LAWLER: Do you wear that toupee all the time?
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: You can take one look at Mark Henry and see that if he won a gold medal, he'd just take it and have it bronzed.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Mankind's house is so small, he needs to go outside to eat a large pizza.
________________________________________________________________________
Mankind
Jerry Lawler: When you were born and your mom saw your face and your rear end, she said, Oh! siamesse Twins! Ha! Ha! Ha!
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Paul E. Dangerously reminds me of Marv Albert, they both bite.
_______________